The Key to Avoiding Burnout: Pushed vs. Pulled

Have you ever felt like you’re just going through the motions, working hard, making decisions, and checking off life’s to-do list, but without real excitement or fulfillment?

Maybe your career feels more like a responsibility than a passion, or your relationships drain you more than they uplift you. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Research suggests that 80% of people are motivated by fear rather than joy or passion. Fear of failure, fear of change, fear of disappointing others... it’s what keeps many of us stuck in jobs we don’t love, relationships that aren’t serving us, or routines that feel exhausting instead of energizing.

But what if life didn’t have to feel like an uphill battle? What if, instead of being pushed by pressure, fear, or obligation, you were pulled by inspiration, excitement, and true alignment?

Let’s explore the difference between the two—and how you can start making choices that fuel you instead of drain you.

The “Push” Mentality: Living on Autopilot

When you’re being pushed through life, it often means you’re making decisions based on what you should do rather than what you want to do. This can show up in different ways:

• Saying yes to things out of obligation, not excitement

• Staying in a job because it’s “secure,” even if it makes you miserable

• Working harder and harder but still feeling like it’s never enough

• Making choices based on avoiding failure rather than striving for what excites you

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor known for her work on vulnerability and courage, explains it well:

"When we spend our lives waiting until we’re bulletproof before we take a risk, we ultimately sacrifice joy and connection."

The problem with a push-driven life is that it’s exhausting. It’s like running on a treadmill, you’re moving fast, but you’re not really going anywhere new.

And it’s incredibly common. A Gallup study found that 85% of employees worldwide are disengaged at work, meaning they’re essentially running on autopilot, driven by external pressures rather than inner fulfillment.

But there’s another way to live.

The “Pull” Mentality: Aligning with What Truly Moves You

Being pulled through life means making choices that excite and energize you rather than just checking off boxes. It’s about moving toward something that feels deeply aligned with who you are, rather than away from something you fear.

People who live this way often:

• Feel energized and excited about what they’re working on

• Say yes to things that genuinely light them up ...and no to the rest

• Take risks because they’re drawn to possibilities, not because they’re avoiding failure

• Experience a deep sense of fulfillment, even during challenges

As Steve Jobs once said:

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle."

Studies also support this idea. Research from the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people who pursue intrinsic goals—things that truly matter to them—experience higher levels of happiness and long-term success than those who chase external validation or security.

But What If You Love What You Do… and Still Feel Drained?

Even if you’re doing what you love, burnout is still possible. Loving your career, your passion, or your mission doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have endless energy. Many high achievers fall into the trap of thinking, I love this, so I should be able to handle it all. But energy isn’t just about passion, it’s also about balance. If your days are filled with only tasks that drain you (even if they’re in a field you love) you’ll still end up exhausted.

The Solution? Balance Your Drainers and Energizers

Think of your daily activities as falling into two categories:

🔋 Energizers: Tasks, conversations, or activities that light you up and give you energy.⚡ Drainers: Tasks that take a lot from you, whether mentally, emotionally, or physically.

The key to sustainable success is to intentionally structure your day so that energizers balance out drainers.

How to Put This Into Practice

1️⃣ Audit Your Energy – For the next few days, track what gives you energy and what drains it. Notice patterns.

2️⃣ Stack Your Energizers – If you have a lot of draining tasks in one day, add something energizing right before or after to balance it out.

3️⃣ Don’t Let Every Day Become a To-Do List of Drainers – Just because something needs to get done doesn’t mean it all has to fall on you. Can you delegate? Can you switch up when and how you do certain tasks?

This is how you create a life where your work fuels you instead of consuming you.

How to Shift from Being Pushed to Being Pulled

So, how do you stop running on autopilot and start living in alignment? Here are three simple but powerful steps:

1. Get Clear on What Actually Excites You

So often, we don’t even pause to ask: What do I actually want? Take time to reflect. What activities make you lose track of time? What conversations leave you feeling energized rather than drained?

A simple way to start: Make a two-column list—one for things that feel heavy and draining and one for things that feel light and energizing. Start shifting your energy toward what’s in the “light” column.

2. Question the “Shoulds”

Many of us make decisions based on outdated beliefs or societal expectations. Before saying yes to something, ask: Do I actually want this? Or do I just think I should want this?

A powerful exercise:For the next week, before making a decision (big or small), pause and ask yourself:👉 Am I choosing this because I feel pulled toward it, or because I feel pushed into it?

3. Start Small, But Start Now

Shifting your life doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul. It starts with one choice at a time—saying yes to a passion project, setting a boundary, or exploring something new.

As author Annie Dillard puts it:"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives."

Final Thoughts: Your Life, Your Choice

At the end of the day, you have a choice: to be pushed by fear, expectations, and obligations, or to be pulled by what truly lights you up.

So, what’s one small step you can take today toward a life that excites you?

Kirstin