The Real Reason You’re in a Funk (Hint: It’s Not Your Inbox)

Ever had one of those days where you’re in a funk and you can’t quite figure out why? Chances are, it’s not your inbox. It’s not your kids. It’s not even the traffic (although, sure, that doesn’t help).

It’s your thoughts.

I have spent hundreds of hours (probably more like thousands) researching, learning and studying habits, mental patterns, overthinking, burn out and what I’ve come to learn is that most, if not all of our troubles, come from our thinking. How we’re thinking, what we’re thinking, what we’re focused on and the meaning we’ve given things. And it’s not just my findings, science backs it up.

“We have between 60,000–80,000 thoughts per day and around 80% of them are negative, and 95% are repetitive.”—National Science Foundation

So the way you feel right now? That starts with what you’re thinking.

Which is why learning to recognize and shift your thoughts is one of the most powerful things you’ll ever do.

The Truth About Unwanted Emotions

Here’s what most of us were taught (even if no one said it out loud): Feeling sad, anxious, resentful, overwhelmed = bad. That these aren’t good emotions and that we don’t want to have them. Obviously, they don’t feel great to experience either. So what do we do? We shut it down. We repress. We distract. We push it away.

But emotions don’t disappear just because we’re ignoring them. In fact, research from neuroscience shows that suppressing emotions actually amplifies stress in the brain. Avoiding how you feel sends your nervous system into high alert because your brain registers suppression as threat.

The first thing to understand is that emotions are usually there to signal something to you…example..anger is often there to protect you, sometimes we need it and it helps us set boundaries..other times, anger is protecting hurt and hurt is actually what needs addressing.

It also exists that the emotion, whichever one..could be fear, is trying to protect you, but as an adult if you look at it, you realize you don’t need it…at that point you can thank that part of you for trying to keep you safe and reassure it/yourself that you’ve got this going forward.

But if we don’t allow our emotions to come through then we’ll never understand the patterns we’re repeating or release what’s beneath the surface.

Think of it as if the emotion were a little child. What do children do when they’re upset? Generally, the crying gets louder, the anger gets worse… or they completely shut down until someone finally pays attention.

Your emotions are those little children inside. If we push them aside, they won’t resolve themselves.

“What we resist, persists.”

—Carl Jung (I think… but even if not, it’s still true)

“You can’t heal what you won’t feel.”

“Naming it tames it.”

“Anything you bury alive, grows roots.”

“When you silence the symptom, you silence the signal.”

So what’s the better option?

Don’t Judge It…Get Curious

When an emotion shows up, especially one you don’t like, try this instead:

• Pause

• Name what you’re feeling

• Ask: “What was I just thinking?”

  
  

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

—Viktor Frankl

This tiny pause is a total game changer. Instead of defaulting into shutdown mode, you shift into curiosity. And curiosity does something powerful: it opens the door to understanding.

You stop reacting, and start noticing. And from there? You can start choosing.

Choosing a Better Thought (That You Actually Believe)

As much as I believe in positive thinking and finding the bright side of things, depending on our situation that’s not always available to us.

Trying to leap from “I feel like a failure” to “I’m a glowing beam of confidence and success” in one go, is highly unlikely and probably wouldn’t FEEL true, only highlighting the gap and making you feel worse. But what you can do is take the next step up.

It’s not about choosing the “best” thought. It’s about choosing the next better one. That’s it.

Think of it like climbing a ladder, what Abraham Hicks calls the Emotional Guidance Scale.

Here’s a version of it:

Despair → Anger → Frustration → Boredom → Contentment → Hope → Optimism → Belief → Joy

Jumping from despair to joy? Impossible .But despair to anger? That’s doable and it’s a step up.

What Does It Look Like in Real Life?

Let’s say your thought is: “I’m never going to get this right.”

That might leave you feeling hopeless. But if you notice it and shift just slightly to: “I don’t know how yet, but I’m willing to figure it out…” Now you’re in hope.

Keep going:

• “I’ve figured things out before.” → Confidence

• “This might even lead to something better.” → Optimism

• “I’ve got this.” → Belief

  
  

It’s not about pretending.It’s about reaching for the next thought that feels just a little bit better AND feels true to you.

Why This Works

There are 3 things that are always in your control; your focus, your physiology and your language.

What we are talking about here, is helping you refocus in a way that serves you and then putting language to it, that you can repeat. This effects your emotions, which impacts all of your decisions.

Your brain is always scanning and assigning meaning…every second. What you focus on, the words you use, the thoughts you repeat… these literally shape your emotional experience.

In neuroscience, this is called emotional construction, your brain builds emotions based on your interpretation of what’s happening.

So yes, your thoughts are the starting point.

Better thoughts → better feelings → more useful actions → stronger habits → a different life.

Especially for High Achievers, People Pleasers, and Entrepreneurs

Most of us run on default mode, but this can be extreme for high achievers. Action. Productivity. Problem-solving. Repeat. And people pleasers? You’re busy managing everyone else’s emotions before even checking in with your own.

But if you never pause to ask what you’re thinking, you’re just reacting to thoughts you never chose. That’s how you end up successful, but miserable. Or exhausted. Disconnected. Out of alignment.

Becoming aware of your thoughts isn’t fluffy. It’s not “soft.” It’s strategy. It’s leadership of the most important kind…your own.

“You can’t control the first thought. But you can control the second.”

— Unknown

So What’s “Positive Thinking” Really?

It’s gotten a bit of a bad rap, hasn’t it?

But when I say “positive thinking,” I don’t mean ignoring your pain or slapping on a fake smile. I mean choosing thoughts that serve you.

Thoughts that move you forward, not keep you stuck.Thoughts that help you feel safe, open, empowered, even when things are hard.

No one thinks their way into a great life by constantly telling themselves how terrible everything is.

You may not be able to control every thought that pops in, but you can choose which ones you listen to. And the more you practice, the better you get at noticing, selecting and the better you feel.

Thoughts become perception, perception becomes reality....Alter your thoughts, alter your reality.

Kirstin Turner xx